guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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