just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
