I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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