Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
