96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
