So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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