Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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