I must be too annoying 4 u.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
