so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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