Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
