Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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