I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
