pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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