Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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