Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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