I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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