i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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