Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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