There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
