Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was born a porn star she said
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
