Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
