Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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