hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
