It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
