i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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