how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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