I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
