I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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