Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
