whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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