She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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