Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
