Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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