life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
