If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize