his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm too high and old for this...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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