drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
