let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
