i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
