You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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