At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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