She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
