I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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