The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i drank out of a bidet.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
