Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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