did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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