God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
