Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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