my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
