I hate all girls vehemently.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
