Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
