Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
