She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
