She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
