barbara walters just said penis...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
