Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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