I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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