he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
