I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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