I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
