I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
