long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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