I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
