Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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