just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
