Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
