your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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