There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
